January 7th was the innauguration and blessing of the new prayer hall. Outside, windy blue skies, cool. I wore Alan's kagool. It was very moving. People from 26 countries came to Drepung - the place was totally packed! There were many speeches, and lunch was provided.
Alan, my only child
My time with Alan was a time of miracles and unexplicable occurrences. After lunch I decided to have a break from the heat and walked back to the room at Gyakham Khangtsen. I was there, laying on the bed all by myself, when I had another vision [for want of a better word].
I had just seen the death of my only child, still a toddler, and was experiencing the agony of that loss as if it was happening right there and then. Somehow I knew, not fully understanding how, that the toddler was Alan. Covered in tears, struggling to breathe, I was confused and unable to make sense of what was happening. Was this a past life memory? Or some sort of precognition, showing me what was to come?
That afternoon, back at the New Prayer Hall, the theme was "science and buddhism." It was in Tibetan, without translation, so Alan and I decided to go for another walk instead.
Later, at the cyber-cafe, I got an email from Alex Berzin asking me to visit Serkong Rinpoche, the reincarnation of his teacher, and I was trying to figure out how to make that possible. Dad continued to urge me to "take daily notes, like a travel diary, for later visualization in terms of clear light, and in tandem with chakras and alike." And as regards Serkong Rinponche, he reassured me that should I encounter any obstacles he could ask the help of my great-aunt Gertrude (my grandmother Florinda's sister), "a person in spirit much given to such things related to reincarnation, oracles, mediumship, spiritualism and the like."
In the evening, Alan and I went for a walk around the settlement, watching the monks debating in the courtyard, and so on. We were walking hand in hand when a group of monks from Gyakham Khangtsen appeared right in front of us. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and my face turning red. When we later arrived at the house, Geshe-la was leaning from the first floor balcony, looking straight at me, laughing and shouting out loud in a playful, teasing way
"You look really happy now!"
I wanted to disappear!